i haven’t written in over two weeks now. i have to admit i have been in mourning, depression, and a lot of anger at God, the world, and even myself. I had no idea grief and mourning felt this way. I realize I’ve never truly mourned anyone’s passing before. Not even close family members. It feels like its so hard to write now. A part of me doesn’t want to look at this blog because i feel it will dredge up bad memories. but i realize i have to have the courage to start moving on. From Stacey and from Sarah.
Unfortunately i am also suffering from carpal tunnel syndrome. This has made long periods of writing, and even some short periods, next to impossible due to a lot of pain. But I’ll find a way to write because i really need to get back to living again. And writing here definitely helps me. Right now though i am physically tired for some reason. So i feel like laying down and taking a nap more then anything else at the moment. I will probably do just that after i finish this post. And yes i will say something about what happened. Maybe. I strongly stress the word MAYBE now because it depends on how i feel about having that on the blog to remind me of what happened.