A heavy sigh…

is a reminder that all is not right with the world. That all is not fair, nor righteous. I’m not sinking back into depression thankfully. But this post feels as if it will be a burden. I just thought of one of those really great quotes that will last a lifetime! So here it is: “If you really want to change the world. Take the concept of right and wrong, and write them on pieces of paper. Then throw them up into the air and let people pick and choose which ones they want.”

That seems like what we are doing today in so many ways.

I guess the reason for my thinking in this is because of the birth of my cousin’s first child. He is born out of wedlock, just like my nephew is. While her parents wish she had been married, they are happy to be grandparents. But when i asked my cousin about her relationship and the future of her status with the father of the child she was so nonchalant about it all. I came to realize that she didn’t care for the father of the child at all. For her, their relationship was a one-night stand that had produced a child and nothing more. She had been dating him and screwing him for a while but hadn’t expected any of this. And now she just wanted to fade into the background with her new child, and maybe or maybe not let the child’s father come around if she felt he should. But other then that she wasn’t sure what she wanted from him.

Now he isn’t some lovable idiot. I’ve met the guy. He’s 23 (still a kid in my mind) and a pre-med student from Trinidad, who works third shift to pay for school and support himself. He is studying to be a gynecologist. I get the sense that he is interested in my cousin and wants to be part of her life. I hate it for him…because if he ever comes to realize he’s nothing more then the equivalent of a one stand, staying one night too many; he’ll be crushed.

But what i see it all boiling down to is the fact that the child, Jayden, is a bastard. Yes, i said the child is a bastard. The word is no longer as taboo as we would like to think it is. From the 1940s on back into antiquity being called a bastard was one of the most egregious of insults, and even in high society, to call someone a bastard could earn you a quick and brutal death. Now its seen as a insult used on cable television, R-rated movies, and maybe some kind of insult to described an obnoxious male. Well that is the ultimate problem in the era. No one takes the word “bastard” seriously anymore. Did you know that at most 40% of the children born in the United States over the past 20 years are born out of wedlock. Since before the 80’s. People would marry before the baby came just to keep their child from being called a bastard. And now…very few really care.

My dad pointed out somethiing that was kind of disheartening. He said, “Well how do you think it makes your cousin look?” I didn’t want to say it, but in some ways it is true. My cousin Lisa looks like some dumb slut who didn’t know how to use birth control. And she is far from stupid, believe me, she is not some fool. But i would be hard pressed to prove it after what happened. I could argue that she made a mistake, but saying you made a mistake implies that you are truly innocent and had no idea of the consequences of your actions. I know i can’t say that about this situation. I can’t even say that for myself.

I have to admit i do feel kind of lonely in all this. So far two of my cousins on my dad’s side of the family have children out of wedlock, my grandfather (dad’s father, now deceased) has one. My aunt (mother’s youngest sister) has one, he’s grown now. My brother, and now Lisa. Who we all hoped never would end up a statistic. How long before Lisa’s two younger sisters end up knocked up out of wedlock too. (though if you go by statistics it was inevitable that one of them would end up pregnant before marriage) At this rate i will be the only man in my generation of grandkids that has no children, wedlock or otherwise…Well maybe my cousin Monica, she can’t keep a man because she is so shallow and devoid of caring for anyone else, that she won’t keep one long enough to get married, let alone have a kid.

At this point I am at a loss for any more words. It all seems as inevitable as the tides. Eventually most of the children born will be bastards, and the word will no longer be a insult, merely just a nomenclature.


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