My life seems as if it’s been in turmoil ever since i moved out. I can’t tell if it’s getting better or getting worse. About 3 weeks ago i started a relationship with a woman called Norma. Well it’s actually a friendship, with benefits. I like Norma but i have no sexual attraction to her. And suddenly having a bout of impotency doesn’t help matters. Yeah I’ve had a hard time getting it up and keeping it up. Norma doesn’t seem to mind though. Buti just don’t care about sex right now. My mind is so awash with a lot of things right now. For one my brother has went to Iraq. He’s safe of course, but my family still worries a little.
I went through Hell for more then a week as my parents started pushing me to go to Virginia to see Van off. The problem was i didn’t have a tape and no guarantee of a sub. Once i got a sub, the dates of departure started changing. I just got fed up and decided not to go. Van and I had spoken on several occasions. And we knew we didn’t need to say good-bye that last time before he left. Men are like that you know.
Money has also become a problem. This month I planned to have everything worked out, but my car’s CD player ceased to function suddenly so i had to buy a new cd/radio set. It cost me $185. The reason i went and bought it so hastily is because I thought i was going ot be driving up to Virginia. A 8 to 10 hour trip with no music and the Taos Hum in my ear. Oh Hell NO! But alas i didn’t go. My new Cd player plays mp3s now so i can reduce the number of CDs need drastically. But it took some time to figure things out since the CD reads title. So if the Title has numbers at the front it will go with the numbers first. That confused me at first and I’ve since figured out a way around the problem but it almost seems silly now. But I have burn a few music collections so I quite happy in a way.
But i spent too much money and all my usual plans went ot hell. My electric bill for December is over 160 bucks, so I’ve had to ask my parents for help paying my rent once, and now my electric bill. I’m nearly out of food, and i feel like shit. All this stress is pissing on me in a way, maybe that’s why i’m impotent. I just need to walk away and get back to taking care of me. At least that’s what a recent horoscope that I have read told me. And i don’t generally read horoscopes because I’ve heard they’re against Christianity. But i’m running out of ideas and i need to do something. Tosha says I overanaylze things and i just need ot go with life and have fun. *sigh* maybe she’s right.