I’ve been soul searching. I guess everyone does it when they suddenly become unemployed. I’ve been thinking back to when i got that call from my supervisor when he told me that the higher-ups had fired me. The first thought that had popped into my mind was, “This was supposed to happen, this is the way it’s supposed to be.” Now i have my faith and I’m proud of it, so immediately the though that this was some kind of comfort or thought from God came to mind. I immediately pushed the thought aside and my supervisor and I tried to find a way for me to get my job back. It was a underhanded idea but i wanted my job back. Even as we were discussing it i actually felt bad about planning this caper because it made me no better then the person who had fired me. Of course my route was split up two days later, thus making my plan impossible to succeed. So now I’ve been sitting here for the last few weeks wondering what to do next.
I don’t have any answers. Only a sense that i should wait and let God guide me, and I’m not to sure on that one anymore either. I wonder if i just came up with that idea myself. One moment I’m pissed about the whole thing, the next moment i don’t even care. So I don’t even know where I’m going with it all. That’s the biggest problem with it all, having no answers. I’ve spent the last few weeks on the computer or on the PS3 with occasional spurts of exercise. I’ve been catching up on webcomics that i haven’t read in years, looking and answering in forums that i used to barely pay attention to. I also played the lottery and got myself signed up at Publisher’s Clearing House. Yes i have been praying that i win the lottery or PCH. I’ve never prayed for such a thing before because i always thought it was a cheap, easy way out of poverty, but now I think I’m a little wiser.
One of the things i’ve been studying in the last few days is the whole ‘alpha’ male thing. Now i know that will piss some of my feminist followers off. But i have to admit my eyes have been opened, and i realize that i have let my manhood and sexual happiness slip because of this beta male mentality i’ve had with dating women for years. So i need to find my own source of ‘Alpha maleness’ and get back on track to being a happier person.
Well that’s it for now.