A sense of loss…

I used to sit back in the house and be nude all day and all night.  Now with steady employment i no longer have the time.  Even though I don’t work seven days a week or all day, it feels like i lost something very important.  Me time.  It seems now that every time i get some time to myself there’s something to do that requires me to put on clothes.  Yard work, giving my cousin a ride, something.  I kinda feel lost at times but I’m pretty sure that I like money so I’ll keep working.  I guess there is a part of me that is still getting used to all this change since its been so long since I worked a steady job.  But I also think its because I don’t really like the job.  And it’s not just the people, or the hours.  It because i feel that I’ve really gotten nowhere.  I try not to be arrogant but a really big part of me keeps saying, “This job is for plebs.  I was doing this kind of shit when I was fifteen.  Why am i here again 23 years later?”  Even my parents who were so happy that i finally landed the job are pushing me to find something better right now.  They even gave me some book for the local community college in hopes i can get some kind of skill.  And to be honest i have looked at and noticed a forklift class for about $139 for a one day class.  That’s at least 65% of one paycheck from Hardee’s.  I don’t know if i want to spend that kind of money, even if my parents are willing to help me pay for it.

But I now am also praying and hoping that i get a call later this week for another job at another restaurant, as a dishwasher.  I’d be making $8.00 per hour with a guaranteed 40 hours a week.  Once again its another job that i worked early in my adult life and I was so happy to even be considered for the job, but now I find myself once again wondering if the job is beneath me.  I really do not want to think like that.  I want to work so i can at least say that as a man i have a decent job and can support myself, even if I am a dishwasher.  *sigh*  So do i work two jobs, one that is crummy and i don’t care too much for, and I beneath my station but I’ll actually enjoy going to work every day.  Or do i try to take some class and hope i can get a even better job in the future.  I just don’t know.  I know if i get two jobs I’ll have more money, less time to be nude, and even less time to deal with my cousins.  Which other then the money, seems like a big plus to having two jobs.  Well its time for bed.  I have to be at work at 7 AM tomorrow.  Just thinking about that makes the dishwashing job seem even more appealing.

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