A sense of loss…

I used to sit back in the house and be nude all day and all night.  Now with steady employment i no longer have the time.  Even though I don’t work seven days a week or all day, it feels like i lost something very important.  Me time.  It seems now that every time i get some time to myself there’s something to do that requires me to put on clothes.  Yard work, giving my cousin a ride, something.  I kinda feel lost at times but I’m pretty sure that I like money so I’ll keep working.  I guess there is a part of me that is still getting used to all this change since its been so long since I worked a steady job.  But I also think its because I don’t really like the job.  And it’s not just the people, or the hours.  It because i feel that I’ve really gotten nowhere.  I try not to be arrogant but a really big part of me keeps saying, “This job is for plebs.  I was doing this kind of shit when I was fifteen.  Why am i here again 23 years later?”  Even my parents who were so happy that i finally landed the job are pushing me to find something better right now.  They even gave me some book for the local community college in hopes i can get some kind of skill.  And to be honest i have looked at and noticed a forklift class for about $139 for a one day class.  That’s at least 65% of one paycheck from Hardee’s.  I don’t know if i want to spend that kind of money, even if my parents are willing to help me pay for it.

But I now am also praying and hoping that i get a call later this week for another job at another restaurant, as a dishwasher.  I’d be making $8.00 per hour with a guaranteed 40 hours a week.  Once again its another job that i worked early in my adult life and I was so happy to even be considered for the job, but now I find myself once again wondering if the job is beneath me.  I really do not want to think like that.  I want to work so i can at least say that as a man i have a decent job and can support myself, even if I am a dishwasher.  *sigh*  So do i work two jobs, one that is crummy and i don’t care too much for, and I beneath my station but I’ll actually enjoy going to work every day.  Or do i try to take some class and hope i can get a even better job in the future.  I just don’t know.  I know if i get two jobs I’ll have more money, less time to be nude, and even less time to deal with my cousins.  Which other then the money, seems like a big plus to having two jobs.  Well its time for bed.  I have to be at work at 7 AM tomorrow.  Just thinking about that makes the dishwashing job seem even more appealing.

A few months ago…

Well OK more like a month ago..or maybe two.  I came in here all bold as brass and declaring i was gonna kick ass and take names.  Then depression, lack of finances, and lack of drive because of those two things took hold.  I’ve been looking for job on and off.  Bidding my time, on and off.  And just being miserable.   But you know the old saying goes about how something reminds you of what you were supposed to be doing when you get distracted.  Yeah that happens a lot with me.  I’ve been reading a comic called Questionable Content since Sunday.  I’ve been playing catch up.  The whole damn comic is like a slightly cooler version of my life when i was in my twenties.  It depresses me and encourages me to get off my ass and do something.  *sigh*  One of the things i need to do is update and clean up this blog.  I need to find a theme so viewers can just look through the stuff with a click like they do with Naturism for People of Color.  The theme for that blog allows that.  Although now that i think about you can do something similar by clicking the tag cloud on this blog.  *sigh* i need to get a life and really look at this blog.

In the last few days…

I’ve been soul searching.  I guess everyone does it when they suddenly become unemployed.  I’ve been thinking back to when i got that call from my supervisor when he told me that the higher-ups had fired me.  The first thought that had popped into my mind was, “This was supposed to happen, this is the way it’s supposed to be.”  Now i have my faith and I’m proud of it, so immediately the though that this was some kind of comfort or thought from God came to mind.  I immediately pushed the thought aside and my supervisor and I tried to find a way for me to get my job back.  It was a underhanded idea but i wanted my job back.  Even as we were discussing it i actually felt bad about planning this caper because it made me no better then the person who had fired me.  Of course my route was split up two days later, thus making my plan impossible to succeed.  So now I’ve been sitting here for the last few weeks wondering what to do next.

I don’t have any answers.  Only a sense that i should wait and let God guide me, and I’m not to sure on that one anymore either.  I wonder if i just came up with that idea myself.  One moment I’m pissed about the whole thing, the next moment i don’t even care.  So I don’t even know where I’m going with it all.  That’s the biggest problem with it all, having no answers.  I’ve spent the last few weeks on the computer or on the PS3 with occasional spurts of exercise.  I’ve been catching up on webcomics that i haven’t read in years, looking and answering in forums that i used to barely pay attention to.  I also played the lottery and got myself signed up at Publisher’s Clearing House.  Yes i have been praying that i win the lottery or PCH.  I’ve never prayed for such a thing before because i always thought it was a cheap, easy way out of poverty, but now I think I’m a little wiser.

One of the things i’ve been studying in the last few days is the whole ‘alpha’ male thing.  Now i know that will piss some of my feminist followers off.  But i have to admit my eyes have been opened, and i realize that i have let my manhood and sexual happiness slip because of this beta male mentality i’ve had with dating women for years.  So i need to find my own source of ‘Alpha maleness’ and get back on track to being a happier person.

Well that’s it for now.

Full circle

Well i am now unemployed…again.  This time i was fired/laid-off due to budget cuts.  No fault of my own but i still don’t like it.  Christmas went somewhat well since i was able to play Santa Claus this year.

So now I’m back to the same old schtick.  No job, no money, and no idea how to get either legally.  So what to do?  I have no idea.  Other then the internet and maybe the unemployment office.  Neither of which sound very good to me.  Also I’m suddenly getting interested in exercise, getting healthy, and dating.  It’s funny whenever i have a job you have to drag me out to do those things, even though i have the money to do them easily.  Then once I’m unemployed i suddenly have the urge to go out and do those things even though i have no money..  God i must be fucked up in the head.

5 ways we ruined the Occupy Wall Street Generation.

http://www.cracked.com/blog/5-ways-we-ruined-occupy-wall-street-generation/

I saw this article while i was cruising the Internet.  What frightens me is that this truthful and almost thought-provoking article was written at Cracked.com.  You’d think that something like this would come from the Wall Street Journal or the New York Times.  But it truly appears now that only parody news websites like this can produce anything of value.