A mistake in mind…thankfully not in body as well.

So i went to the men’s club at the YMCA today and i met a guy there. He was pretty cool and I was even a little attracted to him. But i kept thinking i knew him from somewhere. I did. He is the son-in-law of my neighbor. One I have known for years. I’ve known them since i was a little kid and they trust me to look after their house when they are on vacation. I nearly shit myself when i realized who he was. And i felt tremendous guilt over it. Call it what you may but i almost hit on my neighbor’s son-in-law. A trust that should never be broken. I’m glad i didn’t hit on him. But what if he had hit on me? If i had known who he was i would have said no. There’s a matter of honor and trust in my mind that I could never break.

WilliamCA

Comfort Zone with God

I have a friend who has chosen the lesbian lifestyle. And i mean that literally. Over the last two years she has developed a strong faith. And i have to admit i was impressed by it. I even felt bad because i came to realize that my faith seemed a little short compared to the strength of her faith. Now as you know I’m a admitted bisexual. And yes I DO KNOW HOW GOD FEELS ABOUT ALTERNATIVE SEXUALITY. I have accepted that fact, and all that comes with. All i can say is, “I am not perfect.” There’s no need to write about how i can be saved and such. I know the deal, believe me.

But what i want to post about is a sort of shocking revelation that i received a few weeks ago when my friend Tosha and I were talking about a number of things that had happened in my life recently. Airing a lot of feelings out for myself. One thing Tosha told me was that she had always felt that Sara and I were not truly compatible. And that i was willing to sacrifice/risk a lot just to be with her, even marry her. Tosha said that was one of the things that disturbed her about our relationship, that i seemed willing to cast aside some of my more serious beliefs about what i wanted in a wife in order to be with Sara. One of those things was my conviction about my faith. I had went to Sara’s church one Sunday, which is a Unitarian Universalism Church. Tosha was surprised that I had even went. Even she thinks the UUC is a cult. We talked and laughed about it for a little while. And she wondered where someone would get the idea to come up with such a religion and how anyone could follow it. I told her that a lot of people want God on their terms, and are willing to lie to themselves and believe that God is this or that. Or they pick and choose things from the Bible that back up their feelings or their deeds in life and ignore the rest, and use those Scriptures that they pick and choose as the basis to back up their faith when they are challenged.

I quoted a few scriptures that i knew by heart and a few other that i didn’t know too well. And Tosha said she didn’t know most of them. I rattled off a few more and Tosha once again said she didn’t know any of them, hadn’t even heard of them. Now Tosha used to be a church goer, and she on more then one occasion had said these words, “you know in the Bible”. But by the time i was done she had admitted that she had barely even read ANY of the Bible, and what little she had read, she didn’t remember. I was shocked into silence for a moment, i couldn’t think of anything to say.

When i finally reclaimed my voice i realized that Tosha hadn’t truly read anything in the Bible. Now I’m no Biblical scholar, but i know more then the first few lines in Genesis and the book of Revelations, which is all that Tosha knows via paraphrase. Tosha then decided that she wanted to change the topic of the discussion since her girlfriend Casey had come in and sat down beside her. I asked Casey right then and there what she knew of the Bible and her answer, which is typical of her was, “Well uh, i don’t know. (typical) I never really read the Bible either. Now Casey, I understand her ignorance, she is 19 yrs old and I can tell she is not the world’s brightest bulb. I don’t think she’s a fool or anything, but she speaks very little and adds almost nothing.

But Tosha is supposed to have some college education, and have a strong faith, but in the end she is just like those people we were joking about. Having a strong faith but nothing to back it up is very, very bad. And the reason for Tosha’s lack of knowledge was plain and simple. She doesn’t want to face the truth of the choices she has made. I said this much to both of them.

Tosha has her own “Comfort Zone with God.” And in her comfort zone with God, she prays for God, has a strong faith in God, God helps her, and loves her. But she doesn’t have to face her sins either. In fact in her comfort zone her lifestyle probably isn’t very sinful and God is just gonna help her out and she can love him. I don’t know what to think about it, other then i know its wrong. What can or should I say? I’ve decided not to say anything any more. I think she has made it clear that she doesn’t want to deal with it at them moment.

WilliamCA