Well its that...time of year again. Last night it was 37 degrees around 2 AM. I was in my safe, warm bed of course. But over the last 2 weeks I've had to make a decision as to whether to weather the cold or make some changes. To be honest i can't afford the high cost of heating gas this winter so I have to look at reality and decide that i may actually have to put on some clothes this winter.
I’ve always wanted to wonder around outside in the nude. I’ve managed to sneak outside a few times but never really enjoyed the moment. Most of the time i would site on the steps of my back door and smoke a cigarette. And yeah those steps are uncomfortable to sit on.
So yeah, this year was going to be the year. I was going to stand outside and get the job done this summer. At first the usual excuses started, but then something terrible happened. The tree in my back yard had to be totally cut down due to fears of the old dead thing falling on the house in a storm. A very large branch had hit the house more then a year ago and luckily cause no damage, but no chances could be taken this year and so it was cut down.
The old tree was the only thing that obstructed the view to my back doorstep. My back yard neighbor is a 80+ yr old woman who I’ve only met 3 times since I moved here years ago. And yet i am now paranoid that she’ll see me if i step outside in the nude, even if it’s 2 AM. And to be honest her back window is more the 30 yards away. *sigh* OK maybe one last try. I don’t even know any more.
I had all this angst and anger built up and this post completely ruined it! Why must life be so cruel?
DAMNIT!! As i write this i find myself quietly trying to contain the anger I have at myself. I still can’t figure out what I’m missing, but i think I’m close. The pictures posted above are from a tumbler called p0ire. I’ve looked at his work over the last year and had such jealously in my heart. His pictures always seemed to be better then mine and i was frustrated because i felt i couldn’t achieve what he had. Looking at some of the newest pictures that he posted today i get the feeling that I now know what I was missing. It’s hard to describe, but it has something to do with the models themselves and the pictures. The pictures are in black and white and look as if they were taken with some old camera and then scanned. But there is such beauty and art in them. I’m sure I’m missing something. I’m so close i can smell it! I’m so frustrated…if only i could find what it is and put it into words.
wow….*sigh* Where to begin with it all. Well it started early this month. A friend of the family died, basically from old age. And i went to that funeral. I was kind of shaken by this funeral, even though i had known the end was coming. Her death still seemed to be at the wrong time, and now that i look back on it, a bad omen.
Two weeks later i got word from my parents that my cousin’s husband, my cousin-in-law was in the hospital and his condition was grim. He had apparently had a heart attack right after he had saved his wife and another cousin of mine from drowning at the beach. The hope was that he would pull through, but as my parents told me of some of the specifics of his condition, i had a really bad feeling that he wasn’t going to make it. Two days later, he died, and were going to the funeral three days later. The funeral was hard on a lot of my family. My cousin-in-law was only 40 years old, he wad too young to pass away.
During the days in between my cousin-in-laws death and his funeral we received word that my aunt’s father had died suddenly. Quite literally he was to be buried the day after my cousin-in-law’s funeral. Suffice to say I was somewhat shaken by all this. Bad things come in threes, and three funerals in one month is something that is really bad.
It’s been four days since the last funeral, and i have to admit i am glad this is all over. Only one week left in this month, and i pray we can get through it without another death in my family.
Yea I made the topic to get views so sue me.
So what can I say about DOMA and the SCOTUS decision? I could sit back and say it sucks. I could rave and rant about how this is causing the moral decay of our society and some such. but you know what, i ain’t gonna. Why because we already know these things. I’m not saying that conservatives and moralists should give up the fight, but i think we should get ready to lose these kinds of battles because these battles are not won with heartfelt speeches and logic, especially when the opposition is using the same thing and the power of the courts to back their position up.
As a Constitutionalist i can see the legal argument that SCOTUS gave. It is not the place of the Federal Government to declare what marriage is or is not. Also it is not the place of the Federal Government to decide what morality is or is not. And this is true. But the hypocrisy of it all is that the Federal Government has been doing this for years with drugs, the Age of Consent, and numerous other behaviors. The only argument for the Federal Government doing such a thing is the so-called ‘Will of the People’ argument, which something that the Fed has been using for at least 100 years now.
But the ‘Will of the People’ was abolished when the 9th circuit overturned Prop 8 with the wave of a pen, so to speak. So what do we really have here then? We have the idea that the ‘Moral Will of the Majority’ can be overturned by the courts due to political correctness. Because of this I think we need to go back to a much deeper form of grass roots Conservatism. And I’m talking dandelion root deep! What we need to do is teach morals and ethics at home, not to the politicians. They won’t listen, but if you teach it in the home, then eventually we will get it in the school and in our politicians. That is the only way we can effect change, or stay a moral, upstanding nation before God.
This past Easter Sunday i decided to go to church with my friend Tara. Tara’s car had broken down some time ago and she really wanted to go to Easter Service so I agreed to take her. Due to some other things coming up we went to the 11 AM service. I had decided to go with her and stay for the service mainly out of curiosity. To be honest i don’t attend church that often any more. I don’t know why, but i go when i feel the need or my conscience gets in my case enough.
I have to admit i enjoyed the service. I had at first thought that we were going to a Catholic church, mainly because i had no idea what kind of denomination Tara was other then it was similar to the Catholic religion. But the Episcopal Church is quite literally a faith that broke away from the Roman Catholic faith during the formation of the Church of England. So they basically stripped a lot of the traditions and other things from their idea of the faith. You might say they mixed Baptist beliefs with Catholic beliefs and came out with some thing that is neither but both a the same time.
In the end i have decided that i will probably go back next Sunday. Suffice to say i felt very welcome at the church and since i enjoyed the quiet sermon and people i kind of feel compelled to go back again. But next time i think I’ll bring a camera with me. The architecture inside that church is sweet!